Courtship is not often mentioned in this era. It is a stage of romance that seems to belong to a dim and distant past, along with chaperones and drawing room dates. However, while chaperones are not expected to make a comeback within the dating culture of the twenty-first century, courtship has certain advantages that should not be ignored.
Here are five benefits of courtship:
1. Courtship gets families and others involved. While dating today is often an exclusively one-on-one scenario that excludes all others, courtship is more public and more inclusive. The couple is expected to spend time with each other’s families as well as close friends and others (work and church friends, for example). This is healthy and helps the couple to transition to social life as a married couple (if that happens).
2. Courtship introduces a measure of formality into the relationship. It is obviously much less formal than engagement; there is no commitment involved. However, it is a little more formal than simply dating. It is a semi-public announcement that two people are exploring the possibility of a future together. This helps everyone concerned – the couple and all those within their circle – to focus seriously on the relationship and give it room to grow.
3. Courtship sets planning in motion. Though there is no commitment and therefore no certainty, courtship allows everyone to begin considering future options. This eliminates the surprise element of engagement that sometimes occurs today, when family members and friends are completely unaware that the couple is approaching engagement and therefore are taken aback when they hear the news.
4. Courtship eliminates the social awkwardness that sometimes surrounds invitations to dating couples for special occasions (Christmas and Easter family dinners, and so on). When two people are dating, often friends and family do not know how serious the relationship is and whether they should treat the two as a couple for social purposes. Courtship makes the couple status of the two perfectly clear.
5. Courtship provides some clarity for the romantic partners. In today’s society, often romance develops between individuals from different cultural backgrounds. A dating relationship may mean different things in different cultures, resulting in possible confusion about the development of the relationship. In contrast, courtship is slightly more formal and therefore is more easily understood across cultures.
The way romantic partners relate to one another in the months/years leading up to marriage has changed enormously over the past fifty years. Courtship is not likely to be restored to the place it once occupied in the romantic life of our society, but it has certain benefits that unmarried couples should carefully consider.
By Jamie Leigh, for Invitation Only Matchmaking