Remember that time you were at the dog park making eyes at the cutie on the bench amidst the romping of your dogs, rolling and chewing on each other? And rather than talking to him or her, you went home and told all of your friends? That’s a missed opportunity!
Whether you’re in the freezer aisle at the grocery store or in the buffet line at your favorite local fundraiser, you should be able to strike up a conversation, introduce yourself and make small talk – without an agenda.
Get ready to throw out your net and start bringing them in!
Begin with the way that you enter a room. Make eye contact, smile, stand up straight and quit leaving your house when you feel like a train wreck. Looking like a train wreck is sometimes fine – when you smile and exude confidence (and often it's only YOU that thinks you look like a train wreck).
Informal conversations in public spaces can be the trickiest to handle, but remember that like-for-like can get you through the first bit of awkward exchanges: “Yes! I know what you mean. It’s freezing isn’t it?”
Here are some successful conversation starters:
- Before attending an event, be sure to purchase a current local newspaper. Familiarize yourself with current local events and spend a minute on the topics that interest you – it will enable you to offer genuine input into a conversation.
- Look at the 10-day forecast and familiarize yourself with what’s coming. Don’t minimize the ease and worth in discussing the weather. You’ll be surprised how often it leads to broader conversations.
- Talk about the venue. Ask, “Have you been here before?” or “Where are the loos?”—remember, questions demand an answer, and before you know it, you’re having a conversation.
- Ask about the host or who else you know. You were both invited by someone. Hopefully they’ll say something interesting and you can inquire further.
Simple introduction etiquette:
- The standard “Hi, my name is Jane Doe” is perfectly acceptable. But don’t be tempted to get personal before they have a chance to interject. Avoid saying “Hi, my name is Jane Doe. What do you do?” Most people don’t want to be defined by their career.
- Don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t know anyone, or that you’re nervous or shy. People typically appreciate honesty and sincerity!
- When making small talk in public, you should not be discussing the following topics: politics, religion, salaries, breast implants, hairy bits, Afghanistan and soap operas (there’s probably more!). You should also refrain from discussing anything that’s still an open wound: divorce, death, depression, etc. It could ruin an evening and opportunity if you burst unexpectedly into tears. In these cases, just politely say, “I’m not ready to talk about that yet.”
- Try not to cover too much ground in too little time. If you ramble on like an idiot – you will likely sound like an idiot. Remember that conversation is meant to be like ping pong: it goes back and forth. It’s an equal balance of about you and about them – and if you never get an opportunity to talk about you, then the selfish person you’re talking with probably isn’t the kind of person you want to be with anyway. Interject and wait for the bite. Try more than once, then accept that they’re either terrible conversationalists or they don’t care. Either way – you have to choose what to do next.
- If you stumble? Nice people will help you to fill the natural silences that sometimes come with healthy conversation. Help may also come in the form of gaffer tape to silence you.
Providing contact information:
In this day and age, our cell phones ring nonstop and our email inbox gets bombarded with spam. Consider developing an email that you can provide when networking (if you’re uncomfortable giving out your phone number). Send people to your email and simply say, “I would really like to talk with you more. I’m not yet comfortable giving you my phone number, but I would really love to hear from you!” They don’t have to know that you’re giving them your newbie email address. And trust me, if your relationship progresses – they’ll likely appreciate this level of privacy.